Interesting...

Dear lovely, Giita,
         
         I'm just now starting the new blog that I told you about. I was watching a TEDtalk about happiness and changing ones perspective. This guy was basically saying something that I had learned in the past several years; success does not create happiness. "duh!" lol Not to knock his talk, he really had a lot more going on in it than that statement implies, and I gained a lot from watching his talk --although I can't recall too much of it at the moment, but that's because my mind is somewhere else. Here. haha--But anyway, I didn't even finish watching it because he mentioned journaling and I thought, "Oh my gosh, I'm so totally supposed to be journaling." And the irony in that is that right before that "talk" I watched another in which this gal said that we can literally extend our life expectancy by setting small goals and achieving them. So, I paused my Netflix and rushed my butt to blogspot.com. I think it's important to mention (and I think I might have already mentioned this to you) that while I was in Montana, I decided to set a goal in which I am willing to write 10 blog posts by October. So far I am failing miserably. However, I'm optimistic! Because the more I write the more I'm remembering why I like to do this so much.
         
         Another funny thing is when I got to this site my old blog was still up and I wasted a lot of time trying to "update" things but I only learned how technologically inept I have become over the years because I was a bit lost in my efforts. I'm sure I could work my way around these things but I quickly stopped caring. So, my current profile picture is actually very far from current because I uploaded it in 2009 when I originally started this blog, long before it became your namesake. Maybe I'll try to fix that once I'm finished with this. Maybe I'll forget lol. This brings me back to my "funny thing." If you look back at my first blog post you'll see that it is primarily about a conversation I had with Robert about starting a blog and about my cancer diagnosis. Sheesh! So so so so SO SO so SO so much has changed since then. I am beside myself with how different a person I am from that one post and it makes me wonder what will happen in some years when I'm looking back at this post that I'm writing to you right now. I'd like to say that I am very confident and sure of who I am right now but I am almost positive that I'll be a different person then as well. I'm constantly trying to grow as a person and change and think differently and furthermore, life and experiences tend to change us whether we want them to or not (as we both know) so, I'm 99% sure that many many years later when I look back on this I will be a different woman in many ways. Hopefully not too many! haha

       So as I was saying, the first post is about starting a blog-thanks to Robert, and my cancer diagnosis. In it I mention that Robert is my best friend, my other half. I also mention, that I would be "healed" in 6-8 months. I almost cracked up laughing upon reading that and simultaneously a little part of me was deeply saddened because I now know both of those statements to no longer be truths. My cancer experience--and I don't know if directly or indirectly, but definitely somehow--shone a bright light on me and Robert's friendship. Our friendship was real and genuine, but once I got sick I saw less and less of him and heard from him less and less also. This happened with many of my friends. I know it isn't easy to have a sick friend, blah blah--I think we've talked about this before. But, for me to hold him so dearly and for him to just drift away was a bit of a shocker. And it wasn't anything drastic or deliberate. We didn't have a falling out. We just slowly lost touch. Whereas on the contrary, my friends like you, Clayton-Bayton, and Cloriece and Mandy and Terrance really stood up and were there for me. It's weird going back to those days right now because it feels like it was so long ago. But it's pretty cool because I'm all the more grateful for friends like you. And Robert is still a friend but he taught me that people grow apart, and sometimes they grow apart at really sucky times in your life lol.

      Jeez, this is getting very long...hmm...okay, enough of all that. With that said, I would posit that looking back at that post I had no idea whatsoever of what lied ahead of me. It's equally laughable and sad to see how I was so sure that I would be "healed" of all the cancer crap within 6-8 months. I was positive. Because all my life I trusted doctors and held them to such high standards that there was no way they could be wrong about that. But they were. You know full well that it took much, much,much, longer than 6-8 months and I went through much more than chemo and radiation in the midst of it all. Gosh, It's 2015 and I'm just now getting out of the thick of it all haha. It's so crazy, but anyway, I figured this somewhat update would be a good way to kick off my small goal of 10 posts by October. I can't promise that I'll make it in that time but, at least I'm trying and this definitely feels good. I learned some pretty cool "lifey" things in Montana and actually have papers with information to share with you, so don't worry we don't have to depend on my memory haha but I think you'll find it fascinating. Thanks for listening to/reading a bunch of stuff you already knew. I hope things are going well and I can't wait to see you whenever I see you!

Love ya!
-Sharde'