This Past Weekend

Dear Giit',

         Perhaps I should start by letting you know that I've nicknamed you Giit' and some times call you that in my mind. Haha I don't think it's ever reached the atmosphere or your ears because it sounds much better in my head. But as I.   type this I do remember talking to someone who asked about you and replying with, "my 'ol Giit'-Giit'." Haha smh... Anyway, I'm awake at 5 am O_0. And this is after going to bed at about a quarter to midnight then waking up at 12 30, then 2 30 ish, then 5am. I end up peeing every time, but It's never urgent. So like the  chicken and the egg, I don't know which comes first-- the need to wake up or the need to go to the bathroom. I'm sure you find this all EXTREMELY fascinating and worthy of sharing. I do however have something moderately more interesting to talk about.

        Saturday my friend Max had a bbq at his place. He's one of my "Lancashire" friends that I have probably mentioned to you --that group of about 10 or so of us that group up on the same block back in the day and still keep in touch. Well, this bbq/bonfire I feel was an absolute necessary as he's had some of the worst past few months ever; he lost his job (not exactly sure when that happened), his fiancé whom he had been with for like 7 or 8 years cheated on him so that's over, and someone recently broke into his car. They didn't take anything just busted his window and rambled through his stuff and when I think about it I think a part of me would be extra pissed because it's like, "You broke  my window for nothing, bro. No one won today." Lol   But, of course I'm glad nothing was taken. Actually, here's something pretty funny. He bought my cousin, Jayna (who grew up around the corner from us) a snuggie for her birthday (which they share) (the birthday, not the snuggle hehe) and had it wrapped in his backseat. The burglar started to open it and left it once they saw it was a snuggie! Ahhahah And the way the gift wrap was ripped you could just see "uggie" on the box. So the burglars must have been like,  A snuggie?! F that." Lol

        In an attempt to be succinct, the bbq was great. All the Lancashire fam couldn't make it. It was just Jayna, Michael and me but a bunch of his other friends came and it looked like he had a ball, so I'm happy. He's such a great person, it really stmucks that all that happened but he's a smart guy. I'm sure he'll come out on top and I'm praying for his comfort and that God sends some reassurance and resilience his way.
       
        Oooh two more things! He has this giant dog named Louis. I don't know anything about dogs but he's still a puppy and super hyper so he does a lot of sniffing and jumping around. Well I was wearing a pair of somewhat loose shorts and when we were leaving I guess Louis wanted to say goodbye, because he came over to me as I was standing and was ALL in my crotch! Lmbo I was like, "Ew, Louis get away from my privacy!" As I shoved his face away. Ahahaha and Max goes, "yeah, he's a pervert. Louis go!" Lol smh I think the funniest thing about that is I called it my, "privacy."  I don't think I've said that in that context since I was a kid! Haha But as sure as I am tall, that was what came out my mouth in my moment of shock and disgust. XP

        Sunday was fun too. I went to church, which I had been missing a lot of recently due to all my traveling. So it was nice to be back. I really missed everyone. Afterwards I rode with some church friends back to their place for a small pool party and bbq they were having. It was really nice and they had some family friends over that they'd known virtually all their lives. Maybe I should note these friends of mine are a family lol. Diane, her husband Tom and their daughter, Casey. Sweet, sweet, people. Just genuinely awesome. Casey is a sophomore in college and she has 2 brothers that I don't know well-- around our age and have been, well ya know pretty much out doing the young adult thing since I've know the fam--which is about 2 years. I had a great time with them. Diane and I have so much in common, so it's always great to catch up with her and just talk and talk away haha. And Casey is just bursting with energy and compassion and is super silly so you know she's my kind of people too. I didn't get in the pool although I did bring my swimsuit I just wasn't in the mood after I ate, I guess. Which might as well be blasphemous cause it was certainly hot as hell yesterday lol.

        Speaking of eating, I've typed myself up an appetite. So I'm going to stop this long post right here in its tracks 😉. Also, I'm getting a little pain and should work on getting comfortable.

Love you, girlie. And thanks for listening!
-Sharde'

Interesting...

Dear lovely, Giita,
         
         I'm just now starting the new blog that I told you about. I was watching a TEDtalk about happiness and changing ones perspective. This guy was basically saying something that I had learned in the past several years; success does not create happiness. "duh!" lol Not to knock his talk, he really had a lot more going on in it than that statement implies, and I gained a lot from watching his talk --although I can't recall too much of it at the moment, but that's because my mind is somewhere else. Here. haha--But anyway, I didn't even finish watching it because he mentioned journaling and I thought, "Oh my gosh, I'm so totally supposed to be journaling." And the irony in that is that right before that "talk" I watched another in which this gal said that we can literally extend our life expectancy by setting small goals and achieving them. So, I paused my Netflix and rushed my butt to blogspot.com. I think it's important to mention (and I think I might have already mentioned this to you) that while I was in Montana, I decided to set a goal in which I am willing to write 10 blog posts by October. So far I am failing miserably. However, I'm optimistic! Because the more I write the more I'm remembering why I like to do this so much.
         
         Another funny thing is when I got to this site my old blog was still up and I wasted a lot of time trying to "update" things but I only learned how technologically inept I have become over the years because I was a bit lost in my efforts. I'm sure I could work my way around these things but I quickly stopped caring. So, my current profile picture is actually very far from current because I uploaded it in 2009 when I originally started this blog, long before it became your namesake. Maybe I'll try to fix that once I'm finished with this. Maybe I'll forget lol. This brings me back to my "funny thing." If you look back at my first blog post you'll see that it is primarily about a conversation I had with Robert about starting a blog and about my cancer diagnosis. Sheesh! So so so so SO SO so SO so much has changed since then. I am beside myself with how different a person I am from that one post and it makes me wonder what will happen in some years when I'm looking back at this post that I'm writing to you right now. I'd like to say that I am very confident and sure of who I am right now but I am almost positive that I'll be a different person then as well. I'm constantly trying to grow as a person and change and think differently and furthermore, life and experiences tend to change us whether we want them to or not (as we both know) so, I'm 99% sure that many many years later when I look back on this I will be a different woman in many ways. Hopefully not too many! haha

       So as I was saying, the first post is about starting a blog-thanks to Robert, and my cancer diagnosis. In it I mention that Robert is my best friend, my other half. I also mention, that I would be "healed" in 6-8 months. I almost cracked up laughing upon reading that and simultaneously a little part of me was deeply saddened because I now know both of those statements to no longer be truths. My cancer experience--and I don't know if directly or indirectly, but definitely somehow--shone a bright light on me and Robert's friendship. Our friendship was real and genuine, but once I got sick I saw less and less of him and heard from him less and less also. This happened with many of my friends. I know it isn't easy to have a sick friend, blah blah--I think we've talked about this before. But, for me to hold him so dearly and for him to just drift away was a bit of a shocker. And it wasn't anything drastic or deliberate. We didn't have a falling out. We just slowly lost touch. Whereas on the contrary, my friends like you, Clayton-Bayton, and Cloriece and Mandy and Terrance really stood up and were there for me. It's weird going back to those days right now because it feels like it was so long ago. But it's pretty cool because I'm all the more grateful for friends like you. And Robert is still a friend but he taught me that people grow apart, and sometimes they grow apart at really sucky times in your life lol.

      Jeez, this is getting very long...hmm...okay, enough of all that. With that said, I would posit that looking back at that post I had no idea whatsoever of what lied ahead of me. It's equally laughable and sad to see how I was so sure that I would be "healed" of all the cancer crap within 6-8 months. I was positive. Because all my life I trusted doctors and held them to such high standards that there was no way they could be wrong about that. But they were. You know full well that it took much, much,much, longer than 6-8 months and I went through much more than chemo and radiation in the midst of it all. Gosh, It's 2015 and I'm just now getting out of the thick of it all haha. It's so crazy, but anyway, I figured this somewhat update would be a good way to kick off my small goal of 10 posts by October. I can't promise that I'll make it in that time but, at least I'm trying and this definitely feels good. I learned some pretty cool "lifey" things in Montana and actually have papers with information to share with you, so don't worry we don't have to depend on my memory haha but I think you'll find it fascinating. Thanks for listening to/reading a bunch of stuff you already knew. I hope things are going well and I can't wait to see you whenever I see you!

Love ya!
-Sharde'